Will he change?

It's natural to hope your partner will change, or the abuse will go away. It is possible for an abuser to stop abusing but please remember it's rare. Usually domestic violence gets worse over time.

• The first step for an abusive man is to face the truth. He must admit his behaviour is unacceptable and take responsibility for his actions.
• He must stop blaming you for what happens. Or alcohol, drugs, stress or unemployment. These are excuses for violence.
• He must accept you have a right to live your life without being dominated and controlled.
• He must learn to respect you.
• He must recognise that violence is a choice.

Abusive men have learned to use physical violence or emotional abuse to control their partner. What they have learned can be unlearned.

Counselling of any kind will not work unless a man accepts the basic fact that his behaviour is about control. It is not the relationship that must change, but his behaviour.

There are perpetrator programmes for men who need help to change their behaviour.
View more about perpetrator programmes.