Will he change?

Will he change?

It’s natural to hope that your partner will change, or that the abuse will stop. But the truth is that domestic violence usually gets worse over time.


It is possible for an abusive man to change his behaviour. But first he must:

  • Face the truth. He must admit that his behaviour is unacceptable and take responsibility for his actions
  • Stop blaming you for what happens. Or alcohol, drugs, stress or unemployment. These are excuses for violence
  • Accept that you have a right to live your life without being dominated and controlled
  • Learn to respect you
  • Recognise that violence is a choice


Abusive men have learned to use violence and abuse to control their partner. What they have learned can be unlearned.

Counselling of any kind will not work unless a man accepts the basic fact that his behaviour is about control. It is not the relationship that must change, but his behaviour.

There are perpetrator programmes for men who need help to change their behaviour. View more about perpetrator programmes.